


Let Your Heart Hold Fast

by crimsonrosepetals



Category: Shoujo Kakumei Utena | Revolutionary Girl Utena
Genre: F/F, Happy Ending, I took some things and ran with them, Post-Series, Regaining Memories, Reunions, Temporary Amnesia
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-13
Updated: 2016-11-13
Packaged: 2018-08-30 18:45:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,908
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8544916
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/crimsonrosepetals/pseuds/crimsonrosepetals
Summary: "We could have a different story play out here, without our fractured fairytale hanging over our heads."





	

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: I own nothing.
> 
> Title is from a Fort Atlantic song.
> 
> Yay first Utena fic!

There’s a girl at the counter of the coffee shop Utena frequents after classes every Friday.

That in itself is not new, nor unusual. All of the cashiers and servers at the coffee shop are girls; some, Utena has been seeing since the very first day she walked in, seeking shelter from a raging storm.

This girl is not one of them.

So, - ‘She must be new.’ Utena thinks later, stretching her legs while taking a break from writing a paper for her class tomorrow - that’s not unusual.

What is unusual is this:

The girl had purple hair when Utena spied her from the corner of her eye, but her hair turned black when she took a proper look,

and

The girl had a monkey - or was it a mouse? - perched on her shoulder; but that’s not right, pets aren’t allowed in the coffee shop, and seriously, a mouse?

and

The minute Utena saw her, the clanging of metal, the manic whispering, the ringing of bells, every sound in her head that she learned to ignore just days before she left the hospital after a 5-month stay just stopped, and suddenly, there was - for the first time in a long time - blessed silence.

The next time she goes to the coffee shop, the girl is no longer at the counter, and none of the other girls could say if she had ever been there in the first place. There is a new girl, however. Her eyes are brown, and so is her hair, tied up in a high ponytail with a pink ribbon. The other girls tell Utena that she almost wasn’t hired because on her trial day, she spilled tea on a customer, but the customer said it was okay, and that they should give the girl a chance.

So Utena asks about the customer, and they say they’d never seen her before, or since, that day. And actually, now that they think about it, the customer had purple hair, and green eyes, isn’t that strange?

Utena doesn’t think it’s that strange, but it makes her feel wistful all of a sudden, and she’s not really sure why. In any case, she thanks the girls for their time, pays for her black coffee, and heads home to study.

Exams are coming after all.

* * *

There’s a dark-skinned girl standing on the platform; Utena sees her just as the train pulls up to the station, through the glass windows, on her way to school. Her hair is long and falls in purple waves down her back, and sways in the wind like the skirt of her pink travel dress. Her eyes are bright green.

She’s staring right at Utena, with a small smile on her face.

It happens again - the clanging, the ringing, the whispering, all of it quiets down. The girl’s smile gets wider.

Impetuously, Utena stands up and makes her way to the open doors, but people block her way as they rush in, impatient, and anxious, and late, and the doors close before she gets there. The train starts moving again, and Utena holds the girl’s gaze until right before the train enters a tunnel.

That’s when, Utena thinks, the girl disappears right in front of her eyes, leaving her red - _red?_ \- dress in a crumpled heap on the platform floor. But that’s not possible.

Is it?

She runs a hand through her short, pink hair, then shakes her head. She should really lessen all those all-nighters.

* * *

There’s an upside-down castle, hanging above a high tower, in Utena’s dreams. And in the center of the tower’s flat, circular roof is the girl. But her dress is white, like the rose on her breast, and her hair is straight, and there is a sword in her hands. She stands protectively in front of Utena, the sword the only thing standing in between them and a million other swords, frozen in a circle around them.

Again, without thinking, Utena steps forward until she is close enough to place her arms around the girl. She feels the girl’s shoulders tense, feels the way her breath hitches, and she thinks that this seems nostalgic, but wrong.

Her side throbs as she draws a sword from the girl’s back. It’s a familiar weight in her hands. In fact, everything is vaguely familiar; from the pattern on the floor, to the swords surrounding them, to the pink - _pink?_ \- rose clipped on the breast-pocket of the black jacket she’s wearing.

She fits her back against the girl’s, and mirrors the girl’s stance. This, though, Utena can tell, is different.

She senses the change in the air as the swords around them begin to vibrate, about to advance.

She prepares to fight, feels the girl at her back do the same, and thinks that they’ve already won.

Utena wakes the next morning to her alarm ringing, and it doesn’t sound like the tintinnabulation of bells. It isn’t until halfway through her shower that she realizes that the noises in her head have gone away. In their place, she’s left with a name - the girl’s name, she’s sure - but nothing else.

She thinks the rest will come, eventually. For now, she prepares for her day, and wonders when and where she’ll see Himemiya again.

* * *

There’s a flower shop across the street from Utena’s apartment that she’s sure wasn’t there yesterday. Himemiya is inside, looking at the roses displayed by the window.

‘Of course’, Utena thinks to herself, though she’s not yet sure why, and she waits for the pedestrian light to turn green so she can cross to the shop and meet the other girl properly.

But Himemiya looks up from the roses she’d been surveying, green eyes meeting Utena’s blue, and she shakes her head slowly.

‘Not yet’, Utena thinks she hears the other girl say.

A bus passes in between them, and in the split second before it is completely gone from her field of vision, Utena realizes that Himemiya won’t be in the shop when it is.

So she turns and walks back into her apartment, and waits.

* * *

There is a garden in a cage in Utena’s dreams, and Himemiya is tending to the roses inside it. Her hair is pinned up tight, and she’s wearing a schoolgirl uniform, and oversized glasses. Utena stands quietly by the door, and watches her putter around for a while, and gets the feeling that the other girl might actually be stalling. She sighs.

“No swords this time?”

Himemiya stops watering a bush of orange roses for the second time, and sets her yellow sprinkler can down on the ground. She stands, and when she speaks, her voice is firmer, more whole, than Utena expects “No. They won’t be bothering us anymore. We’ve sent them away, and this time, hopefully, for good.”

At finally getting an answer to one of her questions, Utena lets all of the others out in a rush. “What were they, really, anyway? And who are you? We know each other, don’t we - but why don’t I remember you? What are we to each other? Where is this place? Why - ” she cuts herself off as Himemiya begins to laugh. It’s soft, but earnest, and it lights up her face, and Utena likes it. She thinks that she’s never seen Himemiya laugh like that before.

Which - of course she’s never seen Himemiya laugh before, period, since this is their first time officially meeting, but she understands now that that is both true and not true at all.

“You’re as inquisitive as ever, Utena-sama.” Himemiya faces Utena, and flashes her a soft smile. “Do you really want to know?” The smile fades, and she affixes the pink-haired girl with a sad, serious stare.

Utena nods, determined, and she is presented with a silver signet ring bearing a rose crest. The sight of it sends a bolt of lightning shooting down her spine, and she shudders. Himemiya gives her another smile, small, and sad, and contrite. Utena reaches out a hand towards the dark-skinned girl’s open palm, then hesitates; her hand falls back to her side, and clenches into a tight fist.

Himemiya’s hand twitches, as if meaning to close over the ring, but she continues to hold it out steadily. “You don’t have to take it, you know”, she says, feigning lightness in her tone. “I don’t have to be anything to you right away, when you wake. I can just be someone you meet in line at the coffee shop, or just the florist from across the street. We could have a different story play out here, without our fractured fairytale hanging over our heads.”

Before she even finishes speaking, Utena is already shaking her head. “No, I don’t want that. I already know you’re somebody special to me. I want to remember why.”

“It’ll hurt.” Himemiya says, her voice trembling. “Getting back your memories will hurt. You - there are some things that might be better off forgotten.”

Utena takes two steps forward, and covers Himemiya’s outstretched hand with her own. The ring is cool between their palms. She stares into the smaller girl’s eyes, searching for something that she herself can’t name. The bright green depths hide nothing from her; something, she thinks, she has never seen before either. She licks her lips, and grins, almost easily. “That’s all right. I want my memories back, no matter how bad they are, and how much they hurt, because whatever it was that we went through was what brought us here, now. Whatever it was we went through made you important to me. And I doubt you traveled all this way to meet with me, as I am now. You want the real  _me_ \- the one who convinced you to leave - back, don't you?”

Himemiya looks into Utena’s blue eyes, and finds no trace of a lie. Slowly, she turns their clasped hands so the ring in her palm falls onto Utena’s. Utena slips it into the fourth finger of her left hand, and everything comes crashing back.

* * *

There is vase of varicolored gladioli on Utena’s bedside table when she wakes. Beside it is a note, with a place and a time, written in Himemiya’s hand.

It is a Saturday, and Utena takes her time getting ready. She wears red slacks, a white button down shirt, and a black jacket.

On her way to their meeting place, she passes by a different flower shop, and buys Himemiya carnation seeds. She has a feeling that no matter where the other girl is, she would like to have a garden full of flowers, no matter how sick she should be of roses by now.

And there’s a balcony at Utena’s apartment that can easily be turned into a small one.

* * *

There’s a table by the window of the tea shop, on top of which are delicate white cups patterned with forget-me-nots, a matching tea kettle, and a plate of cookies. Anthy sits with her back facing the window. Her dress is the same shade of blue as her old nightgown, and her braided hair is laid over her shoulder. She looks up from her book when Utena sits in the empty chair before her.

“Hello, Utena. I’ve been searching for you.”

“Hello, Anthy. I’ve been waiting.”

They smile at each other, and clasp hands over the table, fingers intertwined like when they would fall asleep together.

Somewhere in the distance, Anthy hears the clamoring of bells.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading! :)


End file.
